My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
