It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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