I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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