My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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