No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
