I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
