my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize