Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ladies don't puke and tell
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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