yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
