Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
