i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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