hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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