we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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