Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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