I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
