I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dignity is for republicans.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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