yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
