The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
