You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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