so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she pinky promised me she was 18
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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