I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
