i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize