She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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