Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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