i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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