Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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