i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
