Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i came on her dog
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
