Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize