I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
