I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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