you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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