Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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