Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
