the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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