We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
