dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
