So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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