this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
