he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
