i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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