im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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