i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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