She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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