We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
