I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
