i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
