well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
