The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
