for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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