Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
