and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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