she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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