We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
