i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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