you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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