I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
