So drunk, too bad you don't want this
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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