It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
