well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
