Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i think i just lost a toe
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
