WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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