She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
